March 15, 2010

March 15, 2010! It's overwhelming. The emotions connected to hearing this date are across the board. Relief. Fear. More Relief. More Fear. And believe it or not - pride. I am so damn proud of myself for making a decision. It would have been so much easier to wait and wait and worry and wait.

I will keep this to myself all day. I need to mull it over. I need to see what my 'gut' reaction is. I need to cry a little bit. I need to accept who I am and why I am making this decison.

One thing that does come to mind is that there is absolutely no advocacy from any professional connected to this decision. It's as if each person does his or her own thing. There is no breast center advocate who could help with discussing arrangements for family while I am in the hospital, or helping me to decide if I should come home after the procedure only to drive back to Boston a few days later or someone to just listen as I wrap my mind around my decision. I am not surprised, as this has been my experience from Day One.

Decision MADE!

Today I made the decision to move forward with a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. It was a year in the making and by far the toughest decision I have ever had to make. Although the final decision was mine to make, I want to thank my friends and family for being there every step of the way. You all rode the same rollercoaster with me and I will be eternally grateful to you all.

If you have followed my blog (sporadic as it is), you will know just how I have struggled with this decision. In the end, it is just the right thing to do. I appreciate that I am one of the lucky ones who has a chance to significantly reduce her risk of breast cancer before it becomes invasive breast cancer. Or at least I hope it hasn't reached that point.

I will now call the DIEP surgeon and make this decision official.