So, it looks like the emotional rollercoaster is still there. A part of me had thought that since I am committed to the surgery that I had moved beyond the sadness, but maybe I am moving into it. I don't know.
When I heard myself say that I was having a bilateral mastectomy it really hit home. Me? Why me? I've said this before, but I can honestly say that early detection is a two-edged sword. It's great because I have information and can take the time to make informed choices, but it's awful because I have the time to gather information and make informed choices. My friends who have journeyed through breast cancer, surgery and treatment as well as the majority of doctors I have seen are on the side of never letting breast cancer take hold. My BRCA friends are with me on this and understand the uniqueness of our position. Although I am not BRCA, we travel the same high risk road. Then there is that one lone oncologist who told me to wait until I got 'real' cancer. She certainly planted doubt in me, but in the end it is my life, my body, my choice.
So, this morning for a few moments I was sad.
2 comments:
I can understand why you would be sad. It's okay to feel that way.
But I think you are doing the right thing. I think of people who bravely do this are superheros. Not just going through with the surgery but that you blog about it to offer support to others.
Feeling sad is just part of the process. For me the whole thing has been very much the same as mourning the death of a loved one.. and in a way, that's just what you are doing.. You are saying goodbye to an aspect of yourself.. feeling sad is natural, and it's okay. Just try to not let yourself get weighted down in it if you can. Eventually you'll come out the other side.
p.s. the doctor who said that to you was a total tool! Disregard, disregard, disregard!
Teri S.
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