Nipple Update

So I have had the Stage II DIEP and everything went well. I even posted pictures and talked about the lipo, BUT I didn't mention anything about the nipples. There was one simple reason - I didn't really like them. Remember, I loved my circles. Really loved the circles. So when the nipples were added I thought they were too big and kind of ugly.

Well, two weeks have passed now and I met with Dr. Tobias and Maria yesterday. They reassured me that my nipples would shrink to about half the size they were after the surgery and that with the tattooing they will shrink even more. I had already noticed that they had shrunk in the past two weeks. Maria also mentioned that it isn't uncommon when all is said and done that people wished their nipples were a big larger. And that nipples can be made smaller, but not larger. I am totally onboard now.

One of my DIEP Sisters asked me to ask Dr. Tobias just how he made the nipples, so he kindly sketched it out on paper for me. This is exactly what he sketched (I later found this picture online). I can't say this enough, but Dr. Tobias is not just an amazingly talented surgeon, he is also an awesome person. He listens and takes his time during office visits. Never once have I felt rushed or that I was taking too much time - not even when I showed up with four pages of questions for my pre-op. Yesterday I met four new "DIEP Sisters" in his waiting room. Each and every one of them sung the highest praises for Dr. Tobias, Maria and his office staff. What we all seemed to appreciate the most is that during one of the most difficult times in our lives we are cared for by such a compassionate and committed team of professionals who treat us as if we are their only patients.

Today I am wearing a sports bra and love that I have nipples. I am very pleased that I did choose this route. There were a few times when I wished I had just kept my circles. However, my ultimate goal is to look whole and for my daughters to not be reminded of my surgery when they see my body.

Binder Update: I've been wearing both a binder around my waist and a surgical bra for two weeks - 24/7. Seems that I could have switched to a sports bra sooner. So, the waist binder can't go just yet. Two more weeks is what Dr. Tobias recommended. So, following Stage II DIEP the binder is required for a month. And it's a 24/7 requirement. Then Maria told me that I really should be wearing biking shorts or exercise shorts as well as it will help with contouring on my hips where I had lipo. Well, I couldn't get those pants on me fast enough. So today, let me count the layers on my body: undies, binder, spandex shorts and jeans. Thank God, I didn't do this surgery in the spring or summer.

Next up:  Tattooing

Stage II Prep & Tribute to "My Medical Team"

This is me with Dr. Tobias one week pre-op for Stage II surgery at Beth Israel Deaconness Medical Center in Boston. He is going to 'fine-tune the canvas'. What that means is that he will smooth out the 'dog ears' or in my case 'mouse ears' from the abdominal incision. He will also lipo out about 200 cc's of fat from my hips and belly. Once he gets that he will deposit in into the spots where the breast tissue was removed above my breasts. And he will reconstruct my nipples.

As you may know, I've been on the fence about nipples. Now I am on board. I was able to look at their 'book' and saw that they looked very natural. And my goal is for my breasts to look so natural that even I will one day forget that they are not my originals. When I am done with Stage II and later Stage III, I may not have any more reminders of my surgery, but I will never forget the talented professionals who have crossed my path.

Obviously at the top of my list is Dr. Tobias. He is everything you would ever wish for in a surgeon - a perfectionist, personable, talented, committed, funny, understanding, patient AND he knows how to hire the best staff in the world. It is without a doubt that Maria was meant to be his nurse. She is incredible!! She is always available when I have questions, she's everything that Dr. Tobias is, in addition to feeling like a girlfriend. The team wouldn't be complete without Malika and Jean. They always seem happy to see me and really make my visits to their office feel like 'old home week'.

Although, he is no longer in Dr. Tobias' office, Dr. Mike Curtis was a real asset. I understand that he is now offering the DIEP in Syracuse. I will always remember how understanding and accepting he was when I was still under the effects of my morphine sensitivity and things were very crazy. If anyone reading this isn't in a position to travel to BIDMC in Boston, then I would certainly suggest meeting with Dr. Michael Curtis in Syracuse.

Stage II is still surgery, but it doesn't come with the same anxiety that Stage I brings. Of course, I am still scared about going under and coming out of anesthesia. I am praying that I don't have a phlegm or mucus issue this time. Not being able to breathe when you come out of surgery is a pretty awful feeling. Add to that the spinning sensation and the boots that put pressure on your calves. Feeling like I was on the Ninja Turtle ride at Storyland and having people grabbing/chasing me was pretty terrifying. At pre-op I met with a very understanding anesthesiology resident who told me that that really shouldn't happen again. Hopefully they will suction everything out this time. Plus I am trying NOT to catch a cold before Friday!!!

My recovery this time will be shorter, but it is still recovery. Looks like it will be a week of recovery with 2-3 weeks of no heavy lifting. I needed this reminder from Dr. Tobias since I have a tendency to try to bounce back to my normal life maybe a bit too soon. I don't want to pop any stitches.

Hopefully I will post again before Friday. It's a busy week trying to get ready for surgery.

Getting Nervous All Over Again!

With Stage II surgery on the horizon (November 5th) I am getting nervous all over again. When I got my packet from Beth Israel yesterday with the surgical instructions I had to put it down. Because this isn't the 'big' surgery I really haven't appreciated that it is still surgery.

I am having flashbacks to March 29th. At that point I had put so much into that decision that I was more than ready. Plus I had the advantage of not knowing what to expect. This time I know that I can have an adverse reaction to anesthesia and morphine. Plus, who knows if I will have another phlegm ball incident. The one saving grace is that I absolutely trust my doctor. But it is still surgery.

Needles....not my favorite things. Last time I began drinking lots and lots of water so that my veins would be easy to find and less painful as they insert them for IVs and all the other things they hook up to my body. I can't imagine that I will wake up in the PACU and have tons of things hooked to me like last time, but I just don't know. I can honestly say that the ABSOLUTE WORST DAY of my life was the day I spent in PACU. This is certainly not the case with anyone else I know. They actually liked their nurses in PACU. Again, it's the phlegm ball thing. When you can't breathe, life is tough.

Being a post-surgical patient has been awesome. Being a pre-surgical patient is not quite so awesome. I have to wrap my mind around it all over again. Last time I had expected to be laid-up for 6 weeks, when in reality it was about 6 days, if that. This time I don't know what to expect. I am hoping to be feeling fine the day after as I have purchased tickets to the Super Supper at my daughter's school and want to go to the event. BUT, I know that if I plan on feeling great, I will be down and out and very disappointed. This time there shouldn't be an drains - I pray for no drains!! Plus I have given all my drain supplies (marsupial pouch, bathrobe, jacket, etc) to a friend who just had the surgery. The likelihood of drains is slim.

One other thing is that I thought I was just getting lipo, not that that isn't a big deal, but I hadn't realized that I would also be getting nipple reconstruction during this procedure. I've been on the fence about nipples. I like my breasts they way they are and am not sure that adding nipples will make me happy. I still can choose not to do that, but on the other hand......when I change in a locker room it would be nice to look a bit more normal. And I have two little girls who might even forget someday that I had a bilateral mastectomy if my body looked like everyone else's body.

So, yes, I am nervous. Yes, I will do more research into nipple reconstruction. And, yes, I will do what I can to be the best I can be for my surgery.

Back to Bras

About a month ago I saw the bra-fitter and she fitted me for bras and bathing suits using a prothesis, even though I have breasts. I actually thought at the time that that was my only option.  At first I loved the whole 38C look, but then the heat came and I got a bit uncomfortable (physically). I love the look, it's just the extra weight. So I went back yesterday and asked for a plain old padded 38A bra without having to use the prothesis. I got two - they are wonderful. It feels like the old me. It's better than the sports bras and better than going without.

So feeling pretty normal again, I am revisiting the whole nipples vs. no nipple issue. Swinging toward the nipples right now. I just hadn't realized that I could wear a normal bra, albeit a 38A. I had thought I would be better off with no bra under tank tops (which I still like), but now have a very good option of a regular bra with no protheses. Who knew that you could change breast size depending on the clothing or event. I guess that's a bonus along with the tummy tuck.

Feeling normal - well almost normal. I've always told people that I feel like my old self unless I am touching my breasts/abdominal area. Well, today I found one more time when I don't feel normal. Hula-hooping. Yup, when that hoop swings across my belly I certainly feel it. A bit uncomfortable, maybe even painful. Not enouugh to pop a Tylenol, but it did get my attention. For a moment I was sad. I love playing with the hula hoop.

From experience, like learning to get hugs again, it will take a bit of repetition to feel more comfortable. I won't give it up. It's a fun thing to do with my 4 and 7 year old daughters. Amazingly our bodies and minds do adapt to the new normal. Who ever knew that I would accept and love a body with a huge scar from hip to hip and breasts with circles for nipples!! They are cancer-free breasts and I love them.

Nipples

Two years ago did I ever think I would create a blog post entitled, "Nipples"? Not in a million years. Life has a way of throwing curve balls, so today I thinking about nipples or actually the lack of nipples.

At my last post-op appointment with my PS, I told him that I would like to have nipples created as well as some touch-up liposuction at my next surgery in November. Stage II typically is the nipple creation stage, so I have been planning on doing it. Until now. Well, let me tell you what has changed.

This week it has been so hot here in Maine, so I have been wearing all those tank tops I bought for post surgery. I have been going without my bra. At this point the only bras I have that fit are the mastectomy bras and I didn't want the extra weight or the binding feeling. AND I LIKE IT. Yesterday I even picked my daughter up at school this way and it was such a freeing feeling. Prior to surgery I never would have gone without a bra if I was going to be seen in public.

So this is where nipples come in. I don't have any, so I don't have that awkward appearance of going bra-less and having nipples show through. Even in cold weather or if I get a chill I don't have to think about my nipples. Very very freeing. Not that I thought about my nipples at all before the surgery, but after the surgery I have thought about alot of things I never had before.

Here's my dilemma. Do I have the PS reconstruct new nipples, which will always be semi-erect (without any sensation) or do I go with a 3-D tattoo that looks like a nipple? As a traditionalist I always figured I would do the typical Stage II nipple reconstruction, but I am leaning strongly toward the tattoo. The thing that is tipping the scale is the freedom to go bra-less when I choose to. If I go with the nipples then I would not walk around bra-less in a tank top at public events. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but as I said I am a traditionalist, so I just wouldn't do that.

Plus, as a new 38A, I am limited. I've tried all the big chain stores for bras that fit my new body, but it is an exercise in futility. So, luckily I have already been fitted with mastectomy bras, which are great. They give me the shape that I have always lacked and they are comfortable. But on hot days, particularly when I moved to camp, I like the simplicity. And putting mastectomy inserts into a bra just aren't my idea of simplicity.

As I searched the internet for a photo for this posting, I came across lots of tank tops and camis with shelf bras built in. I wonder if that would make the whole semi-erect nipple a mute point. I will have to try one to see, but I am still leaning toward the 3-D nipple. If anyone of my readers have dealt with this issue I would absolutely love to hear from you.

Today I am cleaning. All that clutter I talked about last week, well it's still here. I was working on a special project that consumed me for a few days, but now I am back.