Week 3 - Day 5

Another little difference is understanding my limitations and accepting them. When we were planning our trip to Boston this week I wanted so much to keep heading south to RI or CT to visit with a an old friend who was so suppportive and a key piece to the puzzle when I was on the fence with surgery. She and I talked for a couple of hours the night before I left for Boston for the surgery and she was just exactly what I needed at that point in time. So, I thought that if we could just head south a bit after my last drain is pulled then we could visit with her. Plus my nephew lives nearby and we could squeeze a visit in with him. BUT, I am now accepting my physical limitations. So, instead of RI and CT we are staying put in ME. That's okay. I realize that I can't burn the candle on both ends or my recovery will be very slow. Even now, everything takes a bit longer. With the drains (even one) I dreaded the whole shower routine. A slight pull on the drain and pain would shoot through my body.

It's very tough to do less. I feel like I should be able to do everything I was doing before, but when your entire core is sore, tight and funky feeling it makes movement difficult. One thing I can do without much difficulty is sit at my computer, thus all the blog posts.

On our little mini vacation in southern Maine we have been able to enjoy the things we love about Maine. We love lighthouses and beaches. My favorite beach of all time is Pine Point Beach, so we always make a point of going there, especially when the tide is out. This beach makes me very very happy!!! So even though I have had to realize that I can't do all the things I used to do (for now) I can still enjoy so many things, particularly when I am with my family.

Just want to thank my friends again for all the things they have been doing. We truly are appreciative of everything and the food is always delicious. I need to add more of your recipes to my Feed the Flap page. Thank you!!!

LIVE UPDATE: By now you have figured out that I pre-post sometimes. Anyway, today was my first drain-less shower - heaven!!! No twinges when the drain would pull or I would accidently drop the drain. No more marsupial pouch for me. I will post photos from yesterday's visit to Dr. Tobias' office when I get home. This morning's breakfast was absolutely wonderful. I consider today to be the first day of my recovery......I really can't tell you just how nice it is to be without that last drain. I have a binder wrapped around my mid-section, but it feels fabulous and the best part is that I can pull my waistband up over the binder - again, like a normal person. Ahhhhhhh.......

Week 3 - Day 4

Since today is the day I will get my fourth and final tube out, I want to once again thank my medical team. (See "My Team:" at top of blog). My girls are going with us on this trip and are quite excited. They know we 'go to Boston', but they don't really know what that means, so on this trip they get to 'go to Boston'. They probably won't go in while the drain is pulled, but they will get to meet some of my wonderful team.

So today, let's see how I have changed. Well, when it comes to medical care, my experience has taught me to shop around. There is certainly nothing wrong with going local; however sometimes sacrificing the convenience of local for the expertise of a place like Boston (Beth Israel) is worth the trade off. I have learned to keep looking for what you want or need until you find it. Just because you have a consultation with someone and you like them does not mean you should stop there. Find out where they were trained and then have a consult with the person who trained them. Keep going until you feel comfortable. Don't settle. Again you will see photos of my medical team!! Dr. Tobias was prepared for the photoshoot this time!! And Maria straightened her hair for the event!!! We have an exceptionally long wait for the drain pull, but it was worth the wait and once again, Malika did a super job!! I felt a little twinge (not pain) on the opposite side of the where the drain was located and Maria said that it was the drain on the inside. That thing must have been a foot long on the inside!!! Soooooo glad they are gone!!

It's not like I have a crystal ball, but I am wondering what might have happened if I hadn't been at Beth Israel when I had the bad moments coming out of anesthesia and the whole day I was on morphine. I don't even want to think about it. I do worry about my next operation (Stage II) which is much shorter, but I know I have the best medical care in the world. They got me through the first operation and I am confident they can do it again.

So, yes, life is different. You can face life's challenges. You can be gutsy. You can choose your medical team. You can do it!!!

JieJie took lots of photos on Final Drain Pull Day. She is becoming a very good photographer. One picture I have been waiting to take is me with a chocolate frosted doughnut and a coffee coolata. The doughnut was delicious, but the coolate did not meet expectations. So, maybe I don't need caffeine after all.

We also got to enjoy a meal at Souper Salad. They had stopped serving beef potpies for the season, but the clam chowder was still good. It was very nice, so once again we got to enjoy a nice meal on the patio.  The last photo is of JieJie, our official photographer for the day!!!

Week 3 - Day 3

Today my post is dedicated to Mike, the unsung hero in all of this. This week I am looking at how life is different now. Again, most of the changes are subtle, but this particular one isn't quite so subtle. I can no longer look at my husband without seeing and feeling the love he has for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I have always shared that Mike is the most wonderful husband in the world, because he cooks, cleans, does laundry, takes great care of our girls, but he is so much more. He is genuinely caring, loving, tender, patient and gentle. Those are just the words I can come up with, there are other qualities that I just can't wrap words around.

During all of this he never waivered or made me hurry up with my decision or persuaded me in any way, he is caring is such an unassuming way. Protective even. The night in the hospital when he pulled the plugs off the machine I was hooked up to and got me into the bathroom is one thing I will never forget. He knows exactly what to do when I am in need!!! He has had to strip and clean my drains since leaving the hospital, he has been so gentle when doing this. It's really tough for me since the drain is coming out of MY body, but I don't have to worry that he is going to pull on it and cause me pain. When I am achy or tired or simply lazy he carries all the weight. He gets the girls dinner, gets them ready for bed, reads to them, then takes care of me, my drains, my bed (my pillows have to be just right for proper sleeping!). Over the years I have certainly tested his patience, but the depth of his patience seems unending. Right now he is living with 3 needy girls. AND he is hanging in there.

When you get married you don't always realize just how important that decision is until you are tested. Is this the person you can trust to walk you to the bathroom in your johnny? Is this the person who will endure night after night on a cot when he could be staying in a first class hotel? Is this the person who won't leave your side in the recovery room so that he can get something to eat after a very long night of waiting for you to come out of surgery? Is this the person who gives you backrubs when his back is the one that really needs it? Is this the person who gives you the last piece of his favorite pie? Is this the person who will take six weeks off from work to make sure that you are doing what you need to do to recover? Is this the person who will go out and get you new milk after you take a sip of milk from March 31st and it's now April 10th? Is this the person who can laugh with you when you are being dramatic or silly? Is this the person you can trust with your worries and fears? Is this the person you want to sit with on an old porch watching the sun set? When I look at Mike I can say, "YES!" to each and every one of these questions. I hope that I am never tested, but if I am I certainly have a great and caring role model. Again, my gratitude to his mom. He is my unsung hero. He doesn't get the cards or the flowers or the hugs or the phone calls. But he did have a friend come over to get him out to go golfing!!! And what a difference that made!!

"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Pathology Update:

My breast surgeon called with my pathology report. Although I wasn't worried about having invasive cancer (yet), I still wanted to know. So, what I had was LCIS in my right breast, which is not the breast that had endured 3 previous biopsies. My right breast hadn't given me any problems and I had assumed that it would be clear of an non-invasive or invasive cancer. I know that my path is not the right path for everyone, but I am certainly relieved. It was a big decision and the recovery is big, but worth the peace of mind.

Week 3 - Day 2

I may have mentioned this "Brave Me" canvas before; but it certainly deserves mentioning again. As I reflect on the subtle differences in me as a result of my decision to choose a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with immediate DIEP reconstruction, I can't help but think of this canvas and the friend behind the canvas. When she gave this to me it was two weeks before my surgery. I was 'almost' ready, there were a few puzzle pieces that needed to fall into place, but I was more ready than not. BUT one thing I didn't really feel was 'brave'. Another friend has said that I was an 'inspiration'. All these were before the surgery. I really just felt like it was my own way of dealing with high risk and that most people when faced with this would choose to do the same thing (sooner or later). I didn't feel special, or brave, or inspirational. PLUS I hadn't actually done anything at that point and knew that I could back out right up until they sent me off to surgery.

Well, now it's been two weeks since my recovery began AND I feel brave and proud and happy and at peace with my decision. And maybe in there somewhere is some inspiration. I can honestly say that once I came off the morphine (to which I have a sensitivity) I have never once doubted my decision. That day, two weeks ago, when I was dealing with the phlegm ball and thought I would never leave the hospital alive I had some doubts, many of them morphine induced. My body is different - which is still pretty uncomfortable and ultra-sensitive, but that's okay. I don't have to worry about my risk of breast cancer. I don't have mammograms, MRIs, ultrasounds, biopsies, etc. I sleep well at night, even if I am propped up on pillows so that I won't roll over.

In the end, I am at peace. Others could see something in me that I couldn't see until I had come through the surgery. I am proud. BRAVE ME! And I hope that through some of my blogging or my openess that I can serve as an inspiration to others who are facing a similar journey. I just got a get-well card from one of my beloved aunts and she called me 'gutsy'.  I like that!!!

Physical Update: Today is already better than yesterday. The only percocet I get during the day is in the morning, so when getting up and showering that eases some of the discomfort. For the rest of the day it is Tylenol and Advil. I do feel the ultra-sensitivity all day long which is rather bothersome, but can deal with it. MeiMei asked this morning when she could give me a 'real' hug. Right now they give leg hugs and shoulder hugs, but not belly hugs. Maybe when the drain is pulled. It stills feels so funky and weird and uncomfortable, but maybe a few good hugs with my girls will make it all feel better!!!

Week 3 - Day 1

This was me a few minutes ago. It's cold here. Or at least I was cold. Plus, if you look closely you can see that I am pained a bit. Uncomfortable is the best word I can come up with. The pain doesn't really rate the 'official' pain chart of 1-10. But uncomfortable works. It might be the 2 foot tube sticking out of my hip. It might be that I am taking only Tylenol and Advil during the day. It might be simply that it is cold out. I was trying to watch Mike put the SkyFort together, but decided it was time to blog. This week I want to talk about some of the ways my life is different.

Of course there are no major revelations, but some more subtle things that are different. From the beginning of this blog I have talked about how important my friends and family have been to me during this journey. I could never have gotten this far without their limitless support and encouragement every step of the way. I will be eternally grateful to them for all they have done for me and my family. I think I have the best circle of friends. When your friends become your family and your family becomes your friends you are truly blessed. And I have been blessed a thousand times over.

So just how have these wonderful people helped us? That's a great question since it is always hard to know what to do for others who are in a tough situation - UNTIL you have been there. It's the big things (thank you Aunt Dot) and the little things. It's thinking about what might ease the burden a bit, like preparing a home-cooked meal; offering to watch my girls; cleaning my house; sending a note or card or even a heartfelt message on FB; making a phone call or a special visit; sending a bouquet of flowers or fruit; creating art; or sending prayers. All of these things make a huge difference. And I am grateful to each and every one of our friends for all they have done to help us. I will certainly know better how to help next time I have the opportunity to help one of them.

Just this morning at 7am one friend dropped off tonight's dinner (chicken, mashed potato.... comfort food) for us along with some delicious blueberry crumb bars (I couldn't wait Marcy). I know how busy everyone is and I am so appreciative of what they are doing for me.

Last week I went in to get my long awaited haircut from Debbie (Options Spa) and she gave me the cut. I never would have expected that. She said that she couldn't make a casserole, but that she could cut hair and she did that for me.

I still get tears in my eyes when I think about all the thoughtful, heartfelt things that people do. You wouldn't believe the incredible food that my friends have sent our way. I am including the recipes at the top of the blog so that everyone can enjoy them.

So, today my life is different in the sense that I am aware of who my friends are and just how much they mean to me. Sometimes life gets busy and you lose touch with those people you truly care for, so this has served as a reminder not to let that happen.