I've been squashing and denying all my fears at least until my pre-op appt, which is next week. There is really no sense in worrying about anesthesia, phlegm balls and the general risks from surgery until I have a chance to discuss my concerns with my doctors. My biggest concern is the anesthesia and making sure that I don't feel the same as I did when I came out of 14.5 hours of surgery. Truthfully, I don't think I could ever do that again!! Granted, most people don't have phlegm balls that prevent them from breathing, but that's another story. Still, it weighs heavily on my mind.
Next week I will meet with 'my team' and, I am sure, will feel more confident in my decision to move forward. It will be nice to be closer to being back to normal. And when I think about it, my goal, is for my kids to not be reminded of my surgery every time they see me. That alone will propel me forward.
I was reminded by another DIEP friend whose response to me when I said, "Three weeks from now I will be having surgery." Her response was, "Four weeks from now you will be recovering from that surgery." That really helped me to put it all in perspective. Stage II is such a small thing compared to Stage I. It is minor. BUT I feel great now and don't really want to feel like a post-surgical patient, even for a week.
In time I will wrap my mind around this procedure and get excited that I am so close to the finish line. One silver lining is that I get to visit with two DIEP friends while I am in Boston for pre-op AND I get to see my medical team again. I like that there is always a silver lining!!!
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